It has been an extremely long time since I posted to this blog. I hope to do better as I redevelop the direction I would like this blog to go. It is kind of like our lives, we are always evolving and growing. At least, I hope I am still evolving and growing. I believe that we all can do better with ourselves and how we treat and perceive others. This blog may first come off as sounding very negative, and in fact, it will be to an extent. Again, bear with me because as it develops, it WILL become more positive.
For a long time, I have always felt worthless, I felt and still do feel like a failure at everything, no matter how hard I tired. I was doomed to fail, and there really is no use in trying. But that is not true because none of us are failures. Yes, we may fail at certain things we try, but that does not mean that we are ultimate failures at everything. In my life right now, I am trying to figure out a lot of things. What direction should I take with my life, what path is the Lord trying to tell me to take. I must consider my daughter in all of this and what is in HER best interest. I feel so alone in this, although I know I honestly am not. There are people in my life that are trying their best to tell me what to do and how I should live my life. They always are trying to prove me wrong, by telling me what has worked for them and their families and what will work best for me. Everyone is different what worked for on will not necessarily work for another. I am a single mom living in an area where I have no blood family. I feel I can not lean on anyone. I feel like there is not anyone that would be there for me
UNCONDITIONALLY. I know this may not be true, but I do feel it, and I feel like I am the only one that is going through this and feeling the same way.
Things I am working on now is, what should I do to make sure my bills are paid. Do, I stop homeschooling my daughter and put her back into public school? Knowing that the last time she was in public school, they failed her. They allowed her to struggle with grades all year, changing grades just so she would not fail a class. Allowing students to bully her, ultimately driving her to do self-harm. Right now, even if I wanted to go out and find a job, it would have to be one, I could walk to because my car is not drivable. Instead, I should not drive it, or it can cause more damage. I want to work from home if possible, but the things I have tried like MLM’s have all failed. I will not give up on finding what is best for my daughter and me. This is for me to find and decided no one else can tell me what is best for me. I would never tell anyone what they should do. Instead, I would suggest they could try this or that.
I will come out of this STRONGER and BETTER. The question is, am I all alone in my feelings or it there really others out there that feel the same way?
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