Lonliness in Church

I keep saying that I will be more persistent with my blog, but it never seems to happen. Life always gets in the way; there is always something else to do that is more important. In my case, it is usually taking care of my daughter or my schoolwork. Other times I am just plain lazy. Of course, this is 2020, which has affected me and many others around the world. There is a rise in depression around the world that is stemming from this pandemic. We need to realize for many, depression has always been there but has been made worse with social distancing. There is an increase in feeling all alone due to social distancing. Do not get me wrong; I understand the need for social distance. As humans, we are social creatures and need that interaction.

I am one of those individuals that have always felt alone. Others could surround me, but I  still feel alone. I know that I am not the only one that has felt this way. Sadly, one place that I have felt incredibly alone is in church. Many others have felt the same way.  Why is this an issue? I mean, isn’t church a place where we all should feel welcomed and accepted? Before the pandemic and churches being forced to social distance, I generally sat in a pew all by myself, but there were always people directly behind me in a pew. Now, it is all six feet apart. Now in my church, a few have moved pews together so many can sit right next to each other. That is ok with me; I honestly have no issues with sitting near others. However, there have been many times where I sit all alone on a pew, and not one person would come to sit next to me, even BEFORE social distancing. I have felt so alone in the church because of this, especially when I see others come in and directly walk quickly to their friends. They would talk and hug each other and share the pew. I would try to smile at them and make eye contact, but they would turn away and move on.

 

Sometimes, I would walk up to talk with someone, and they would see me and acknowledge me briefly but turn away and interact with others. By this, I mean, I could walk up to someone, smile, and ask how they were doing, only for them to quickly say “I am good” and then turn away from me. I would think that gosh, does my breath smell, do I smell, or am I just that repulsive. I recently read an article by Jesse Masson titled 3 Overlooked Symptoms of Loneliness in the Church. Masson mentions how sometimes these symptoms can be seen, but other times they are hidden in plain sight. He uses a working definition given by Dr. Todd Frye, “Loneliness is when things inside a person seem bigger than things outside (Masosn, 2020).” The three symptoms that we need to be aware of in church are isolation, lethargy, and Hyper-involvement. I will not go into all the article’s details, but I encourage you to read it to understand more. He says that we need to heighten our awareness of those who may be hurting. Ways to accomplish this may mean stepping out of our comfort zone.  Examples are:

1.     “It may require pressing deeper than the greeting, “How’s it going?” It may require a follow-up text or phone call to someone you said you’d be praying for.

 

2.     It may require inviting singles from your church into your home just to build acceptance around life’s mundane and messiness.

 

3.  Or, consider grabbing coffee with a person you volunteer with at church (Masson, 2020)”.

 

As a single parent, the loneliness I feel is often magnified. I love to think I am not the only single parent in the church, but I honestly do not know of others. How can a church work ensure that single parents or single people do not feel so Isolated? Maybe, there needs to be a way to connect these individuals. Even if there is just one single parent or a single person in the congregation, there should be an effort to address their needs. Get to know all (or as many) members as you can in the congregation. You will never know what they are going through if you do not care to know them honestly. Remember, all our situations are different. There might be a single divorcee in the church with no family close by to help them out. Maybe there is a temporarily single mom whose husband is deployed. They, too, may not have family close by to help out when they are in need. It is important to remember that only providing financial support to those in need is not always what is truly needed. Maybe all they desire is companionship or wanting to be invited to join others that are getting together. 

Often Churches are filled with Cliques, which in the long run will only hurt church growth. Yes, there can be specialized groups that do things together, and you can have close friends in the church, but if you see someone who might be lonely, reach out to them. It just might make a world of difference.

Resource

Masson, J. (2020, January 21). 3 Overlooked Symptoms of Loneliness in the Church. Retrieved October 20, 2020, from https://factsandtrends.net/2020/01/21/3-overlooked-symptoms-of-loneliness-in-the-church/

 

The Church: Praying for ALL

I always try to start this blog back up but life seems to get in the way. Well, I am going to try again but I will not make any promises to write on a regular basis. At this time in life, we all seem to be somewhat stressed due to COVID 19. We have been told to stay home, wear a mask, and keep 6t apart. Some have listened to those rules, others have not, and it really is each person's decision to do what they feel is right for their families. Church has moved to online services, and yes I firmly believe that the CHURCH is NOT a building but rather the people, so it should not matter how we come together to worship. I get others to miss that personal contact but it is not required in true worship.  

However, it is nice to have, and I do miss it every week. In a sermon I heard today the minister mentioned sharing our burdens with the church (people) asking for prayers when in need and to pray for others. However, I know there are many that have felt that it all falls on deaf ears. This reminds me of a story I once read about a family who left the church and has not ever returned due to the actions of some members.

This is the story:

My name is Stacy, I grew up going to church every week and I loved every moment of attending this church. However,  I have now left this church I once so loved. This was due to a variety of reasons and had been going on for a very long time. Every time I requested prayers for family members the church would at first pray but then when congregational prayer request were sent out their request were almost always left out. When I would ask for help with finding material to help  our children grow closer to God and believe the Bible is speaking the truth, the Church (members) would say yes let me gather things for you or that they would ask someone they knew could help. Sadly, that is where it ended, no help ever came even after reminders were given. 

One time my teenage son tried to commit suicide after my husband had left us. I could not afford therapy at the time and I asked for help from my church family. The minister said he would get with some people and find some help. However, nothing happened I even asked him about it a second time and third time, but nothing. I remarried a year later and my new husband was a great help in getting my son the help he needed.  

Going back to prayer requests, I asked a group from the church on Facebook to pray for my family members who had been in a horrible wreck.  My cousin and his wife had a bad accident that totaled his truck and could have taken their lives.  The wife was driving at the time and lost control of the truck. The passenger airbag did not deploy and her husband ended up with head injuries.  Of course, the post that was made had some likes and comments about praying but that is where it ended. I even mentioned the prayer request in the small group that we attended, the man leading the prayers forgot to mention my request. However, the following week when the church sent out the concerns of the church my prayer request was conveniently left off. That wasn't even the last straw.  See, I was helping out an older gentleman in my church at the time. I would go and check on him daily, help clean his house, and prepared meals for him. Well, he had to be rushed to the hospital and I kept in contact with the hospital about him. When I mentioned on Facebook the request for prayers for my family, there were individuals that asked about this gentleman even though I had made a separate post all about him. Not one church member asked how my family was doing after the wreck. 

So, my family and I no longer attend a church. We have decided to worship at home together and occasionally invite other families to join us. I still have a hard time even worshiping in my own home. I have lost all trust in the church and in god because of this church I grew up in and once loved.