I keep saying that I will be more persistent with my blog, but it never seems to happen. Life always gets in the way; there is always something else to do that is more important. In my case, it is usually taking care of my daughter or my schoolwork. Other times I am just plain lazy. Of course, this is 2020, which has affected me and many others around the world. There is a rise in depression around the world that is stemming from this pandemic. We need to realize for many, depression has always been there but has been made worse with social distancing. There is an increase in feeling all alone due to social distancing. Do not get me wrong; I understand the need for social distance. As humans, we are social creatures and need that interaction.
I am one of those individuals that have always felt alone. Others could surround me, but I still feel alone. I know that I am not the only one that has felt this way. Sadly, one place that I have felt incredibly alone is in church. Many others have felt the same way. Why is this an issue? I mean, isn’t church a place where we all should feel welcomed and accepted? Before the pandemic and churches being forced to social distance, I generally sat in a pew all by myself, but there were always people directly behind me in a pew. Now, it is all six feet apart. Now in my church, a few have moved pews together so many can sit right next to each other. That is ok with me; I honestly have no issues with sitting near others. However, there have been many times where I sit all alone on a pew, and not one person would come to sit next to me, even BEFORE social distancing. I have felt so alone in the church because of this, especially when I see others come in and directly walk quickly to their friends. They would talk and hug each other and share the pew. I would try to smile at them and make eye contact, but they would turn away and move on.
Sometimes, I would walk up to talk with someone, and they would see me and acknowledge me briefly but turn away and interact with others. By this, I mean, I could walk up to someone, smile, and ask how they were doing, only for them to quickly say “I am good” and then turn away from me. I would think that gosh, does my breath smell, do I smell, or am I just that repulsive. I recently read an article by Jesse Masson titled 3 Overlooked Symptoms of Loneliness in the Church. Masson mentions how sometimes these symptoms can be seen, but other times they are hidden in plain sight. He uses a working definition given by Dr. Todd Frye, “Loneliness is when things inside a person seem bigger than things outside (Masosn, 2020).” The three symptoms that we need to be aware of in church are isolation, lethargy, and Hyper-involvement. I will not go into all the article’s details, but I encourage you to read it to understand more. He says that we need to heighten our awareness of those who may be hurting. Ways to accomplish this may mean stepping out of our comfort zone. Examples are:
1. “It may require pressing deeper than the greeting, “How’s it going?” It may require a follow-up text or phone call to someone you said you’d be praying for.
2. It may require inviting singles from your church into your home just to build acceptance around life’s mundane and messiness.
3. Or, consider grabbing coffee with a person you volunteer with at church (Masson, 2020)”.
As a single parent, the loneliness I feel is often magnified. I love to think I am not the only single parent in the church, but I honestly do not know of others. How can a church work ensure that single parents or single people do not feel so Isolated? Maybe, there needs to be a way to connect these individuals. Even if there is just one single parent or a single person in the congregation, there should be an effort to address their needs. Get to know all (or as many) members as you can in the congregation. You will never know what they are going through if you do not care to know them honestly. Remember, all our situations are different. There might be a single divorcee in the church with no family close by to help them out. Maybe there is a temporarily single mom whose husband is deployed. They, too, may not have family close by to help out when they are in need. It is important to remember that only providing financial support to those in need is not always what is truly needed. Maybe all they desire is companionship or wanting to be invited to join others that are getting together.
Resource
Masson, J. (2020, January 21). 3 Overlooked Symptoms of Loneliness in the Church. Retrieved October 20, 2020, from https://factsandtrends.net/2020/01/21/3-overlooked-symptoms-of-loneliness-in-the-church/
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